Saturday, October 16, 2010

just a lovely lazy saturday ............

Today I plan only to take my time and enjoy the day. No pressure to have to accomplish anything in particular. Don't get me wrong I have a small to do list but if it's done today or tomorrow it's all good I just won't get hung up on it being urgent.

Living with lupus one must learn that balance is the key. I am quickly learning this. With lupus many of the everyday tasks that others take for granted are monumental efforts to us and in doing them can have repercussions of a new flare kicking in.

Most of us with lupus find this out the hard way. As we push ourselves to continue to try to live a normal life like we used to. This is the new normal. This is the new reality. The sooner we accept and adjust the easier our lives will be.

We learn to appreciate so many things. Getting up and out of bed and into a shower is a major accomplishment for many of us on any given day. Many times by the time its done and we are dressed we are almost ready to head back to bed.

I have learned to find value and a sense of accomplishment in those type of tasks now. They have meaning to me where as to other healthy people its just part of their normal day. To me being able to do them means I am having a good day. I have accomplished something it builds my self esteem and makes me happy. For there have been many days where I could barely get out of bed. Oh how our values and perspectives change when stricken with a chronic illness.

Don't get me wrong I still have many tears and frustrations because I can't do things like I used to. I would not be normal if I did not feel that. Yet, I am learning every day and accepting my new normal a bit more every day.

When I am home in my own little world, it is so much easier to accept. It is when I venture out to a store or a walk in the neighbourhood that I realize how much I have lost. People look at me strangly when I who am only in my 40's and look fine and healthy , stop to push a door opening button to a store. Or when passing through a door someone looks at me as if I should be holding the door for them to go through as well. I can barley get the door open for myself. But they cannot see this.

I am not shy however, if someone be bold enough to say something, I have no qualms to tell them I have lupus, a chronic invisible illness with no cure. Some people look at me like I have two heads and some people actually suddenly become a little sympathetic or caring.

Anyways, today is a pretty good day, my symptoms are manageable and I will enjoy what I can of my day.

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